Cetara.....the sea, some sun and more speedos!!!!

This morning we pitched up for breakfast in a pretty room with the most amazing views. The usual menu was on display, plus...... and we were both very excited by this...... smoked salmon. Also, the eggs weren’t stone cold and didn’t look

as if they had been cooked three days ago!!! So I stuffed my face with a salad starter.... I definitely haven’t been eating enough vegetables, followed by scrambled eggs

on toast with said smoked salmon. It was flipping delicious.

I had brought my handbag with me and we managed to put lunchtime supplies into it ..... tricky this morning as there were a lot of waiters hovering about and some of the other breakfasters looked as though they wouldn’t approve..... .. we are both expert at filching rolls and ham now though , so bag full, we found our way back to the room, ( we hadn’t quite got the hang of the lift thing as yet)

and prepared ourselves for a day on the beach...... well I say day, obviously by the time I’m ready it’s normally lunchtime......

Down in the lift and then down all those bloody steps, down the ramp and onto the stony beach, not my idea of a pleasant stroll, but at least the sun was out and it was downhill !!!! We managed to find a couple of sunloungers which hadn’t been chained up and settled ourselves down. It was a lovely hot day, and it being a Sunday we were not alone...... there were several other couples enjoying the sunshine with us. At this point I must flag up a speedo alert..... oh yes there were a couple of gentlemen sporting them and it took a bit of doing, but eventually I got pictures ..... not for me you understand...... for the purposes of my blog!!!!

And so we lay in the sun..... and then I got really hot ...... and then I needed a wee!!! Obviously there were no facilities on the beach as everything was closed down for winter.... ha ha, it was about 28 degrees..... so there was nothing else for it but to brave the unyielding pebbles and the risk of looking a complete dork.... and make my way to the sea. It wasn’t very far, but that short distance caused me so

much pain, that every step was accompanied by either a sweary word or a shriek of pain..... and Dear Richard didn’t help as he thought it was hilariously funny!!!! ..... I did remind him that if he loved me he would offer to carry me over the stones..... well I don’t feel that’s asking too much..... but that little gem fell on ears that were totally closed..... putting a sharp stop to my attempts at princessy behaviour.....I know it would have been a good idea to wear my flip flops, at least as far as the sea, but I tried that, and whilst it worked for the first part of the journey, there was still a considerable distance to go once I had removed them.

The sea, once I got there, was warm and clear and quite calm , the only time there were waves of any sort was when a boat went by, and then the swell was delayed a little depending

on how far out the boat was....woe betide the unwary paddler when the big ferry from Sorrento passed by on its way into Salerno..... the waves left in its wake were huge..... really funny when it caught someone unawares!!!

So now I was in, and there’s a limit to how long one wants to stay in the water , but it has to be long enough for the rest of the beach not to know straight away the true reason for lacerating your feet in order to have a bit of a cool off.....so that meant I had to get out. Going in was moderately improved by the fact that the beach sloped downhill, getting out meant not only dealing with the cut glass effect of the stones on my feet, it also meant having to go uphill. Five minutes and a lot more swearing later..... I’m afraid I wasn’t doing the Brits abroad image any favours at this stage......not only that, any vestige of sophistication that I might have earlier possessed, entirely deserted me as I limped up the beach. I reached my sunbed...... and by now I was ready for a drink if I’m honest, but not even the promise of a nice cold glass of wine could tempt me back up that hill with my poor feet cut to ribbons!!!! The orientation of the beach and it’s narrow nature meant that the sun gradually disappeared from the left hand side until it slipped behind the cliffs and the whole area was in shade. Those who knew this pitched their camp as far to the right as possible...... those who didn’t, had to keep moving over. Eventually we were all crammed into the last remaining spot of sun, hilarious really when the rest of the beach was empty, and when that finally went dark we all packed up and made the long steep climb back to the hotel.

Im getting so used to having to go uphill for everything now that I can’t be bothered to moan any more..... it changes nothing, although it’s quite satisfying in a strange way.....I think Dear Richard had definitely had enough though..... he had started muttering under his breath , I swear I heard him saying “ wheres my shovel

on more than one occasion!!!

Of course the end of the day brought with it the trauma of finding food in a hotel that had never heard of bar snacks ( except the crisp and olive medley served with alcohol) , after showering and covering ourselves in anti mossie lotion, we repaired to the bar...... no one there again...... and hung around for a while before the barman eventually made an appearance..... we ordered drinks and scoffed the olives etc as we were starving. There was a very loud party going on in the function room next door.... not sure of the occasion but it was one of those where there is a live singer, he proceeded to belt out Ed Sheeran and other topical hits, Mr Sheeran had no need to be concerned by the way, it was a case of volume winning over talent. As with all family parties there came a point when the three drunk Aunties got up and decided to help the singer out by adding backing vocals ..... oh dear..... I know because I’ve done it..... you have a few bevvies and suddenly you think you are Beyoncé, and the louder you sing, the better you sound....... they were loud but Beyoncé they were not, couple all that with overexcited children going mental as their parents are on the wrong side of merry, and it doesn’t make for a relaxed evening no matter how pretty the view.

Still ravenous, we befriended the barman ( he who yesterday could only provide toast!!) and discovered that if we ordered room service we could choose from a reasonably interesting menu...... now they f***ing tell us...... and so we were able to still our rumbling stomachs at long last!!! .... mind you I do find that after a couple of large vodkas my hunger goes off a bit and I’m not really bothered if I eat or not......and you would think that living on such meagre rations would have the weight falling off me..... no flipping way.... my girth is just as generous as it was when we left..... which might in some small

way be connected to the amount of alcohol I am taking on board...... but given that I am going up and down at least one hill a day it seems unfair to say the least that I haven’t lost half a stone by now !!!!

We watched a bit of telly.... sometimes, if the internet is playing the game, we can get stuff on BBC iPlayer, and then I fell asleep....dreaming of a decent meal and a flat path to a sandy beach!!!